This was taken from Stephanie Miller’s blog. It’s a great read and if you want to hear some funny shit, check her out on Air America radio from 9-noon during the week.
Do you speak Palinese???
If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “token hire.”
If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “game changer.”
Black teen pregnancies? A “crisis” in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A “blessed event.”
If you grow up in Hawaii you’re “exotic.”
Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re the quintessential “American story.”
Similarly, if you name your kid Barack you’re “unpatriotic.” (Barack means “blessed.”)
Name your kid Track or Trig, you’re “colorful.”
If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you’re “reckless.”
A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a ”maverick.”
If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African Amerian voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.
If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people and is the crystal meth capitol of Alaska, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you’ve got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia .
If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an “arrogant celebrity.” If you are a popular Republican female candidate, you are “energizing the base.”
If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are “presumptuous.”
If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a “shoot from the hip” maverick.
If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an “empty suit.”
If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an ”experienced executive”.
If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are “extremist.”
If you believe in creationism and don’t believe global warming is man made, you are “strongly principled.”
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a Christian.
If you have been married to the same woman with whom you’ve been wed to for 19 years and raising 2 beautiful daughters with, you’re “risky.”
If you’re a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you “First dog.”
If you’re a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you “beautiful” and “courageous.”
If you kill an endangered species after flying after them in a plane until they’re tired and fall to the ground so you can step over to them and shoot them, you’re an excellent hunter.
If you have an abortion and you’re not a Christian, you’re a murderer (forget about the fact that it happened while being date raped…)
If you teach abstinence-only in sex education, you get teen parents. If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
If you’re a Republican senator who solicits gay sex in an airport bathroom, you get to return to your job in the Senate and are encouraged to run for re-election.
If you are a Democratic presidential candidate and believe that you should use diplomacy first with global adversaries and not resort to war which will only kill innocents and would only add to the coffers of mercenary groups like Blackwater and business ventures like Haliburton and would entangle us deeper in the need for oil, then you’re helping the enemy.
If you are a Republican presidential candidate who promises there will be more wars, especially in the Middle East because that promotes embroiling Israel in a war leading to Armageddon in our time so that the Rapture can happen sooner allowing all non-believers to be left-behind in the smoke of utter destruction, then you’re energizing the base.
